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Jealousy

via Times of India : Congrats, I hate you!

You’ve bagged a new project, gotten a promotion or become the go-to adviser for your boss. It feels great to be appreciated and if anyone knows how much you deserve this, it’s your closest friend at work. But where you expected affectionate praises, you are treated with cold detachment. Suddenly, your confidant/e in office has gone from supportive to withdrawn, and you are torn between righteous anger (‘Why can’t you just be happy for me?’) and regret at what seems like the loss of a friendship. But it need not be the end.

Clinical psychologist Shivani Misra Sadhoo says, “Co-worker jealousy is not uncommon in the corporate world. A recent event, like a promotion or winning the ‘best employee’ award, or simply a contrast in personalities (one is more social and so gets more attention) can trigger envy.”

Jealousy, essentially, arises from a resentful longing for another person’s qualities, advantages or luck. Studies in workplace psychology suggest that it is usually aggravated in those with low self-esteem or those discontented with their own situation. It not only ruins your work equations but also affects your overall productivity.

Wait before reacting

The first step towards trying to deal with such a person is to determine whether their behaviour affects your work or not. Senior HR consultant Bhavna Bhalla says, “If not, it is best not to do anything; especially if they are not in the same team or department. Maybe the negativity will die a natural death.” Clinical psychologist and life coach Rachna K Singh says, “Avoid office politics and gossip. If you maintain a clean image and even temperament, the efforts of somebody trying to ruin your reputation with baseless claims will yield no results.”

Talk it out

If the two of you have to work in proximity, try to resolve the conflict that might be plaguing the relationship. “There might be something you did unknowingly that irked them, or something that might have landed you on the wrong foot,” says Singh. Such misunderstandings can only be resolved if you try and directly communicate with the person.

Tread lightly

Another way of dealing with the situation is to show that it doesn’t discourage or put you off. Make use of your sense of humour and laugh off the rumours doing the round. Sadhoo says, “Conduct yourself with dignity. This will help you gain the respect of other colleagues. Eventually everyone will realise that the other person is out to mar your reputation and stop paying attention to her gossip.”

Bring in the boss

If all the above steps doesn’t resolve the conflict, go a step further. Bhalla says, “Try and convey your thoughts to your immediate boss, if your team’s or your work is getting affected (by the uneasy equation). Find solutions to improve your productivity, whether it is by changing teams or laying down certain ground rules.” At the same time, don’t let your colleague feel that you are ganging up on him or her.

Report it to HR

If things continue to escalate to an unmanageable level, approach the HR department. Bhalla, however, cautions that you may have to play this by ear. “HR departments don’t have any policy to deal with such office politics,” she says. You will have to broach the issue, register your complaint and make sure there is a record of the unprofessional behaviour, or harassment, you are facing.

Get a positive ID

How to know if you have a jealous colleague…

  • The person will stop talking to you: This is usually the first sign to watch out for. You will notice that this person has stopped greeting you and avoids you. S/he may appear curt if you initiate a chat.
  • You will find him/her busy during lunch or tea breaks. You will stop feeling comfortable around the person concerned.
  • Won’t appreciate applause for you: S/he may abruptly leave or pretend not to hear any appreciation directed at you. She may even snap or appear angry or rude when confronted with someone singing your praises.
  • She will talk behind your back: On spotting you, if the person concerned stops suddenly in the middle of an animated conversation with someone else, all’s probably not well. S/he may become increasingly sarcastic and just unpleasant to be around.

via Star Fm Online : HR TODAY: Tips for dealing with envy, jealousy at workplace

Jealousy at the workplace can be one of the most serious and negative workplace attitudes. It creeps so fast and quick that it affects the core and very foundation of every organization and workplace for that matter.

There is relatively little that can be done about jealousy because most of them are attitudinal and an effect of our upbringing which has become part of us. It is not built over night, it develops with time. We can be in self-denial all time but our actions and inactions will always give us up. Our behaviour and utterances will really portray who we indeed are. Again societal pressure and influence can create a jealous society. Organizations can however use these tips below to minimize jealousy at the workplace.

1. Never tell your co-workers that they are “just jealous of you”

It’s true your co-worker is jealous, but saying it out loud to them ultimately undermines your case for being a likable person around the office and it won’t help matters for you.

2. Try to do some damage control

Jealous colleagues will try to set you up in order to take you down, even if it’s through harsh comments or backstabbing remarks. If these co-workers try to imply (wrongly) that you’re lazy or incompetent with your work, then do the opposite by bringing out your best performance. If they spread the word that you are stuck up, then make a special effort to take an interest in others without going overboard. Even if it is just a smile; the idea is to diffuse any perception being spread about you as someone who doesn’t deserve to be where you are professionally.

3. Find an ally if you can

Chances are a few of your colleagues aren’t buying what the jealous co-workers are saying about you. You may already have a few friends or an employee in another department who has also experienced what you are going through. Experts advise that it’s preferable to find an ally with a high position in the company to quietly show jealous colleagues that you have friends in ‘higher places’. If you no longer have any allies on the job, then you should consider exploring the job market. It may be smart to start expanding your professional network in case your situation becomes unbearable.

4. Think about things from a jealous co-worker’s perspective

It’s important to look in the mirror and imagine how a jealous co-worker might perceive you. It doesn’t mean you have to change, but this step can help in your response to those colleagues. This step requires assessing your workplace personality and going over conversations you’ve had with co-workers. Have you bragged too much about your personal and professional accomplishments, or ever come across as narcissistic? Is there something you might have said, or done, to set co-workers off? And how might you make amends if you would like to do so?

5. Have a sense of humor

Seeking out the lighter side at the workplace can save your sanity on the job. It doesn’t mean joking in front of jealous colleagues (which could very well backfire on you) – rather, imagine ways to mentally insert a laugh when necessary throughout the work day.

6. Document it / Have evidence

On a serious note, it may be advisable in some cases to take notes on the most serious workplace manifestations of co-worker jealously that might be impeding your job progress. It’s one thing not to be invited to join a group of jealous colleagues; it’s quite another to be actively sabotaged or undercut on a project out of pure jealously and envy.

7. Always remember that you’re a good person

Workplace jealously can start to take a toll on your self-esteem no matter how strong you are. Jealous colleagues can make you question yourself, underrate your skills, and make you debate in your own head whether you’ve truly earned all of your accomplishments. You don’t need to start this debate with yourself; Hold your head high, be kind to yourself, and focus on your work.

Via The Indian Express : Snarky comments, backstabbing colleagues, nagging boss or plain lack of appreciation often fly under the radar, and hence go unnoticed.

Being subjected to rudeness is a major reason for dissatisfaction at work as unpleasant behaviour spreads if nothing is done about it, a study says.The research by three psychologists at Lund University in Sweden concludes that workplace incivility should be treated with utmost seriousness.

The researchers explained that rudeness at the workplace refers to something that goes under the radar for what is prohibited and that in some way violates the norm for mutual respect.

It can refer to petty behaviour such as excluding someone from information and cooperation, or “forgetting” to invite someone to a communal event. It can also refer to taking credit for the work of others, spreading rumours, sending malicious e-mails, or not giving praise to subordinates.

“It is really about behaviour that is not covered by legislation, but which can have considerable consequences and develop into outright bullying if it is allowed to continue”, said lead researcher Eva Torkelson from Lund University in Sweden. Bullying in the workplace is quite a well documented phenomenon, whereas rudeness that risks turning into bullying is not, she said.

For the study, the researchers surveyed nearly 6,000 people on the social climate in the workplace.

In total, 75 percent of the survey respondents stated that they had been subjected to rudeness at least once or twice in the past year.

“An important finding from our studies is that those who behave rudely in the workplace experience stronger social support, which probably makes them less afraid of negative reactions to their behaviour from managers and colleagues,” Martin Backstrom, professor of psychology at Lund University noted. As people often imitate the behaviour of others, there is a risk that rudeness becomes a vicious circle with considerable consequences for the entire workplace, the researchers said.

The findings appeared in the journal BioMed Research International.

Source : THE INDIAN EXPRESS | Rudeness at workplace may avalanche into full fledged bullying

Via LinkedIn : The global workplace is moving forward toward “A Digital Office” and with that migration new problems are bound to sprout up. Bullying is no longer just in the boardroom: Hellooo, Workplace Cyberbully! Your cell phone, tablet, and computer have now become a battleground in which you can take your bully home with you.

Constant online abuse and attacks can cause any employee to fall into depression, have decreased work production, irreparable reputation damage, and job loss.

In order to combat the Workplace Cyberbully you need to stay safe online by implementing simple changes that will help build your cyber citadel. Take your online life into your own hands and keep the bullies at bay.

Here are 3 Tips, brought to you by STOPit, to help you keep yourself safe from internet-bullying and online workplace trouble.

1. Privacy Settings

We have said it before, we will say it again. Be aware of who you are sharing your pictures and posts with. A workplace predator can stalk your posts to create potential ammunition against you and find out private information about your family and lifestyle. Also, when social media platforms update, so do many of their privacy settings. Don’t forget to check back every once and a while!

How to:

In your Facebook “Privacy Settings” change your options to make sure that your future posts can only be seen by “Friends”. Once this change has been made you can limit the audience for the posts you have shared previously with the “Public” or “Friends of Friends” by selecting “Limit Past Posts”. This function will eliminate all past posts and photos from view on your FB timeline, unless the viewer is an accepted “friend”. (You can also confirm what a non-friend can see when they are looking up your profile publicly. See options under the “Timeline and Tagging” settings tab.)

Keep your Tweets private by choosing to “Protect My Tweets” in Twitter’s “Security and Privacy” settings. The site states that this function will make sure that “only [people] you approve will receive your Tweets. Your future Tweets will not be available publicly1.”

2. Location Services

“They” know where you are… unless you shut down your location services. Yelp, FourSquare, Facebook, even Target wants you to check-in when you arrive. Yes, a free dessert for posting on FB that you’re at “Uncle Tony’s Italian Bistro” sounds great, but now the whole world (or at least your newsfeed) knows you’re at Tony’s… and also… where you aren’t.

How To:

Don’t ever “Add Your Location” to a post on social media. Tagging yourself to a location not only makes you a sitting duck, but it helps gather a detailed history of where you have been, all wrapped up in a perfectly mapped bow. You are now prone to a co-worker mentioning that you have checked into a certain bar or restaurant too many times that week… or maybe you tag a pic of you and your significant other out for a movie with the tagline, “Yay! Babysitter!” and now everyone online knows that your kids are at home without you. Tagging yourself away from your house makes you and your family a prime target for vandalism, robbery, and worse. Scary.

3. Photo “Tagging”

Take away the posting power! Managing who can add you to a post is valuable armor against online attackers. If a disgruntled co-worker is posting derogatory statements or embarrassing photos and tagging you online, you have the power to catch (or at least manage) many of these posts before they hit your newsfeed.

How To:

On Instagram you can change your “Photo Tagging” settings options under “Photos of You” so that undesired pictures will not be seen unless you add them manually within the app. Also, clicking on the ellipsis (…) at the bottom of an Instagram photo will allow you to access more “Photo Options” which gives you the option to remove yourself from the actual photo tag. Remove the tag, remove your bully’s posting power.

Right now, on this very screen you have 3 ways to help better manage your online presence and to help keep you safe from snoops and psychos across social media. Didn’t your mom used to say, “Don’t give them any information. They’ll just use it as ammo”? The phrase still rings true, the less information and access to your online life a bully has, the less power they have to harm.

Via LinkedIn : I’ve just watched Fiddler on the Roof with my youngest. It’s a movie rife with traumatic life changes and the subtle, yet inevitable evolution of tradition. Just as the family in Fiddler, my grandparents left Europe under nearly identical circumstances. They were faced with the challenge of leaving everything behind to start anew. I cannot even begin to imagine everything they went through. (I’ve heard bits and pieces of their journey.) But, they managed to find their way and embrace a new path.

Change had forced them into a new life.

I fully understand why my family would have feared what the future held. However, I’m not entirely sure why we have such intense difficulty embracing career change. Leaving a role behind or even an organization seems such a traumatic experience — often avoided until we’ve been stretched into someone completely unrecognizable. When we do finally move on — it is often viewed as a stigma. There is that uncomfortable pause when we hear of a transition. Why did she leave? Was he let go? Will she find another role? Where will he land next?

We rarely consider that a transition could have been planned or embraced.

Personally, I now view career moves as an inevitable occurrence — not unlike the coming sunrise and sunset. People evolve. Organizations change. When we move on seeking balance and fit, it is often for the best. These are transitions, not sentences. (I’ve been through a few. Reflecting back, most were needed.) We should always seek an environment (and a role) that allows us to thrive as contributors. Unfortunately, certain conditions block our way.

A few examples:

We’ve been conditioned to hold on for dear life — long after the chances for a meaningful exchange have past. Often the psychological contract which serves as the foundation for a healthy employee-employer exchange has already been broken. However, we fail to examine this exchange and remain. Often we are physically present, yet mentally absent.

We expect everyone and everything to remain static. As a result, we are unhappily surprised at each and every turn. Interestingly, we are most inaccurate about how we might change — and can rarely envision our “future self”. The roles that fulfill us now, will not be the same roles, five years on. We need to actively prepare for this. (Learn more about the “End of History Illusion” here.)

We fail to have honest conversations about our needs/skills and how these align with the work. We avoid these conversations — and the culture of an organization can unknowingly stand in the way. So, ultimately we are left at a loss. We stay in roles that do not suit us — and keep team members with us that are virtually stuck in neutral. No one wins.

We don’t discuss how career paths are affected by evolving organizational initiatives. Moreover, we ignore the daily learning and development needs to support that internal evolution. In many cases we do not provide the fuel that contributors need to meet those changes effectively.

We can only address these issues through open conversation that encourages a needed level of honesty. This must be openly supported by the culture of the organization. We should discuss what we bring to the table, what is expected of us and what we can expect in return, career-wise.

If after all is said and done, it is best that we move on to something new — this should be openly discussed as well. It’s not a tragedy. It is simply acknowledging change.

We should be ready and willing to have these conversations. Moreover, organizations should encourage and facilitate their completion.

If not, I fear we will not be ready for what inevitably arrives next.

When was the last time you spoke about your career goals and how they align with organizational initiatives? What happened?

Dr. Marla Gottschalk is an Industrial/Organizational Psychologist. She is Senior Consultant at Allied Talent and brings The Alliance Framework to organizations. She also serves as Director of Thought Leadership at Kilberry Leadership Advisors.

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